The Epidemic

Onward Swine,
To pull my load-

The foul beasts of an ancient land
Long gone,
Long forgotten-
Plaguing the memories of my father,
And his father,
And a million fathers before.

Onward Swine,
Until your wretched stench,
I can bare no more.

Onward Swine,
You punk bitch,
As they say...

Your illness is my promise,
Your demise is my saving grace.

The catcalls and the screeching boar-cries,
The pig hoards and the hoary cockadoodledoodlers
Sit in quiet agony.

Onward Swine,
Pollute our fragile minds,
Until we are no more.

Water is the Curse of the Drinking Classes

Have you ever seen a man with two dicks on each dick?

I have

Have you ever seen ghosts that walk like men?

I have

Have you ever heard the smells of sages long dead?

I have

Have you ever fallen in love with something you can’t comprehend?

I have

Have you ever gleaned the teeth of the bishop?

I have

Have you ever praised the devil that mocks your life?

I have

Have you ever planted your seed in foreign soil?

I have, many times

Have you ever gyrated to the disco beat with prairie dogs and coyotes?

I have

Have you ever read true love in the pages of Dickens?

I have

Have you ever blasted snot from the caverns of denial?

I have

Have you ever plunked out fantasies of lordship on a sitar?

I have

Have you ever kissed the walrus prince?

I have

Have you ever rapped with an ancient Hindu god?

I have

Have you ever laughed at monks playing on a jungle-gym?

I have

Have you ever schmoozed about with harlots with harts of gold?

I have

Have you ever felt the breeze run through your mustache?

I have

Have you ever seen my manhood?
I haven’t